Transsiberian (2008)
Review by Noel
Somewhere deep in the heart of white, snowy Russia a low-level drug dealer is found face-down on a table. There’s a cup of sludge coffee that looks like crude oil. Ivan’s latte’s just gone a little bit cold, but that’s okay. He won’t be enjoying the scone he bought either. He’s not slumping on the table because he’s depressed about the dearth of warmth in his java. He’s bummed out because he has a knife stuck into the back of his head, along with a couple of toes missing. It’s always something ruining a perfectly good sub-zero Russian morning. A large amount of money is gone and so are large amounts of drugs.
Detective Grinko (Ben Kingsley) is not pleased. He needs to find those missing toes.
In another part of the Motherland, a do-gooding couple Roy and Jess (Woody Harrelson and Emily Mortimer) are heading home after providing smiley-smiles to unfortunate urchins as part of church pilgrimage. After screenings of 1993′s Indecent Proposal (definitely not Woody’s finest hour…or Demi’s…or Redford’s) and 2006′s The Pink Panther (definitely not Emily Mortimer’s finest hour either…or Steve Martin’s…or Kevin Kline’s) the poor Russian kids realize that life isn’t so bad as long as they’re not involved in crappy movies such as those they’ve just been forced to witness. They’re only too happy to go back eating bread crumbs and bark.
Satisfied with a job well done, Ray and Jess take the next train that’ll take them back to America, the Transsiberian…
While leaving on that midnight meat train to Georgia (Russia, that is), Roy and Jess are forced to share bunks with a backpacking couple, Carlos and Abby (Eduardo Noriega and Kate Mara- Kate Mara does NOT play Carlos in case that wasn’t made clear). Also, they’re not really going to Georgia, but “leaving on that midnight meat train to IRKUTZ” didn’t sound as catchy.
Roy, being the more garrulous one of the couple, immediately finds something to talk about with Carlos and Abby and it’s not long before they’re friends…
But Jess is a little more suspicious because she was a bad girl who’s been around the block a few times (“Kill off all my demons and my angels might die too…”). She’s stopped drinking and taking drugs and now spends her time going on pilgrimages with her dorky husband and taking photos with her digital camera which translates into a character trait that may or may not prove to be important later in the movie. I’m just saying…
Jess has also noticed that Carlos is making Antonio Banderas eyes at her…and realizes that she’s not rejecting his advances as quickly as a faithful married woman should.
While on a stopover, Roy gets left behind because of his childlike love for trains. This is unfortunate, but not life threatening (or so they think) because they arrange to meet at the next stop in a day’s time. All Jess has to do is wait in a hotel for one night. With Abby. And Carlos.
Carlos promises to show Jess a beautiful place to take pictures as Roy’s train won’t get in until the afternoon. Jess reluctantly agrees.
Carlos was right. The place is gorgeous and provides Jess with plenty of snapping-away material…
But Carlos decides to overstep his bounds and decides to make a move on Jess…and Jess doesn’t reject him. And that’s when the fit hits the shan in ways that no one should give away on this midnight express to a white cold hell, involving those creepy Russian dolls that open up to reveal smaller ones, drug mules, and good old-fashioned torture…
You may think you know where this is going, but thanks to a sharp, patient script by Session 9 director Brad Anderson (co-written by Will Conroy), you’ll find yourself jerking out of that comfortable spot in your seat, wondering where all this is going…and being wrong. Most of the time.
What works with Transsiberian:
1.) Ben Kingsley- dominating the second half of the movie as a mildly bitter Russian detective (with a more than passable accent), Kingsley plays on the best parts of his work in Gandhi and his pit bull performance in Sexy Beast, as you never really know where he’s coming from, but you’re always glad you’re on his good side. Unless you aren’t. Don’t dismiss his gruff manner and slightly mispronounced English for stupidity, because the odds are…he’s smarter than you are.
2.) Carlos does not know how to take no for an answer. You practically have to…
3.) The searching thru a digital scroll of pictures provides one of the great sweaty-palm movie moments of 2008.
4.) Abby’s legs. It’s not what you think. It’s VERY not what you think.
5.) Emily Mortimer turns in another solid performance (along with this year’s Redbelt) as the harried, imperfect Jess. You may not agree with her choices at times (most of the time actually), but Mortimer makes you know exactly why Jess is doing them, and you’d probably do the same thing if you were in her frosty boots. It’s odd that Mortimer’s not a bigger star, considering she rarely missteps performance-wise…even in Scream 3, and that she’s in the Pink Panther sequel.
6.) A final scene like a knife twist to the back of your neck. I mean that in a good way.
What doesn’t work:
1.) Is it ever fully explained how Ben Kingsley’s character just HAPPENS to meet Roy and Jess?
2.) A random misplaced action sequence that only makes sense if a certain character is a complete moron (which he/she is not) or is too blind to see what’s just outside a window (e.g. Would you open the door of a car going 65 mph…to try to get to another car?).
3.) An off-the-rails climax that’s way too reminiscent of 1995′s Money Train. Speaking of Money Train and its stars, I know the economy’s tough right now and a lot of people are having a difficult time, but I’m really sad that Wesley Snipes doesn’t have a job. This holiday season give…to Wesley. J-Lo, please return his calls, please even if they are collect.
4.) A ridiculous chase scene thru an abandoned warehouse/torture chamber/rumpus room. It’s as if director Anderson was studio mandated to put in an action scene…and didn’t even try because he knew how out of place it would feel.
Though not perfect (a character-developing first hour may test the patience of some), Transsiberian is one of the more effective thrillers of the year. Its comparisons to Hitchcock are, at times, apropos. Brad Anderson’s Session 9 was one of my favorite films of 2001, and Transsiberian proves that he’s a director of considerable skill that really, really should work more. Perhaps in his next movie if there’s a part for a straight-to-video, convicted-of-a-felony ex-action star, I know exactly who he should hire. Or at least read for. Or maybe serve falafel at the cast read-through.
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