The Passing (2008)
Review by Noel
Grandma Naibert was rich (Yeah!!).
Grandma Naibert is dead (Boo!!).
Grandma Niabert has a will (Hell Yeah!!).
In order to get complete control her estate Dead Grandma Naibert’s will stipulates that her three grandchildren Elizabeth (Crystal Day), Jack (Brian Gleason), and Ray (Sam Upton) must stay the entire weekend at her estate…
Such is the premise of The Passing written by Paul E. Clinico/John Harwood and directed by John Harwood. As seasoned horror fans we know that nothing will go right once the Naibert kids set off for the weekend at Granny’s.
For example, their friends Josh, Holly, Cyndy and Mandy, show up for some weekend partying, since an argument can be made that Granny didn’t say they couldn’t have friends for the weekend. That’s cool too, because it means you can have some random deaths/disappearances/nudity before the real story begins because what horror film couldn’t use some gratuitous bodies to off at no expense to story? Especially if some of those bodies are silicone-ally enhanced, if you get my drift…
Also, and this couldn’t possibly be important to the rest of the movie so I won’t even bother mentioning it except as an aside, but Elizabeth seems to have gotten Granny’s special attention as she’s left a key that opens…a box. Will it be important later in the movie? It’s not that good a movie and the budget was probably in the high three figures, so one guesses…yes.
So the Naiberts and the Dead Meat are partying, when…something strange happens. People start missing. People start dying. And it seems that making it through the weekend may be tougher than expected, because even in death, Granny Naibert may have plans of her own.
Oh yeah, there also is a character named Billy who looks like Sloth from The Goonies who may or may not be behind the disappearances/murders.
Oh yeah, there’s also the seemingly gratuitous butler Charles…who seems helpful, but may in fact know more than he leads on.
Wow, such ostensibly extraneous characters. Do they have an ultimate purpose? Gee, wouldn’t want to spoil it for you…
What works with The Passing:
1.) What little moments of gore the movie contains are pretty grisly. More effective than most of the acting and attempts at suspense anyway
2.) Principal Richard Vernon- the late excellent character actor Paul Gleason plays the completely unnecessary character Detective Sanders. Every time I saw him onscreen I kept thinking of The Breakfast Club…and how I wish I were watching that instead of some of the slower parts of The Passing.
3.) As Elizabeth Naibert, Crystal Day’s (if Jennifer Connelly and Neve Campbell had a kid, it would be her) performance gets better as the movie moves along. She starts off doing TV acting with her eyebrows and then as the more fantastical parts of the movie pass (sorry), her work gets a lot more convincing.
4.) Keep track of how many times you say “Get UP, Bitch!!!” during the opening scene.
5.) As the sleazy lawyer Mr. McClain, David Milbern gives some of the best bad acting of the year. All in one scene!
6.) Best performance by a toilet.
7.) Aside from Crystal Day, Elizabeth Bennett as Holly gives a decent performance- scratch that, a good performance given what little she has to do. You believe every moment of her work, and for this movie, that’s rare.
8.) If you’re topless in this movie, you will die. That goes for girls and boys.
9.) Writer/Director John Harwood’s name rhymes with screenwriter Ron Harwood, who won an Oscar for The Pianist. If you’re basing it strictly on The Passing, that will be the closest John Harwood ever gets to winning an Oscar…
10.) Some of the special effects are surprisingly effective. Gooey fun.
11.) The last 20 minutes are actually kind of suspenseful…or maybe they just wake you up compared to what you’ve seen before. It does show John Harwood as a director of promise, as everyone’s allowed a crappy first film. Skip this one, but the next one might be…passable.
What doesn’t work:
1.) Reading the notes that came with the screener, The Passing is supposed to be (and I’m reading this directly) “female driven psychological suspense.” What this means is nothing really scary happens and that you’re supposed to use your mind to think things are scary because they didn’t have much of a budget to show anything that was actually scary. You’re supposed to be jumping at shadows (literally) and waiting for a break in the ever-so-redundant pattern of kills.
Oh yeah, and the females are the main characters.
2.) Like I said, you spend the first hour waiting for a break in the monotony of people screaming a version of “We Gotta Get out of Here!!” or “What’s Happening?”
3.) The interrogation scenes with Sanders and Elizabeth only pad the running time and yawn factor. All they do is break whatever momentum the movie (slightly) builds.
4.) Bad pool acting- there’s a scene in a pool where a character is supposed to be pulled around by a mysterious person/thing, but it’s so poorly sold and cut that you can tell the actor is just thrashing around like a 7-year old. I won’t mention the actor’s name (Jason Hamer) because I’m nice like that.
5.) If you want to see a horror movie involving evil mirrors, you should watch…Mirrors arriving in theaters August 15th
6.) The movie actually has the title card “28 Days Later.” Ballsy, but ill-advised. Doesn’t the movie have to be…good to invoke that classic?
“Don’t go chasing waterfalls, stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to…”
7.) A really dorky party montage. Those moments scared me more than most of the first hour…which is not a good thing.
Overall. The last 20 minutes kind of redeem the crap of the first hour. I repeat, kind of. If you must see this, fast forward to the toplessness and then go to the last 20. You’ll thank me, I promise…
But, if you’re the type who likes the ENTIRE movie to be good, then I suggest you…
It’s just too easy to write “pass on The Passing,” but…fuck it.
But if you’re the type who likes the ENTIRE movie to be good, then I suggest you pass on The Passing.
Watch The Passing trailer:
Popularity: 2% [?]
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