The House of the Devil (2009)
Review by Noel
Whether you love or hate The House of the Devil as a movie, one would be hard pressed to withhold that writer/director/editor Ti West’s (The Roost) fetishistic tribute to 80’s horror at least looks the part, and that may/should be enough to make it worth a viewing. With all the cookie-cutter impersonal product permeating every genre, not just horror, it’s a rarer movie than you’d expect where you can genuinely see the love in every frame. One can imagine House of the Devil as part of someone’s VHS collection, collecting dust, being pushed back into the closet to make room for DVDs, pushed back again for Blu-Rays only to be rediscovered two decades later by someone searching for porn.
I’m happy to report that House of the Devil really is worth a viewing on its own laurels as I can’t remember a horror movie in which I’ve smiled so much from beginning to end. Sure, it’s not all that scary, but you probably won’t notice it in the moment because it’s just so much fun.
Or as they would say in the 80’s, it’s just so totally _____
…Shit, I have no inkling of 80’s lingo anymore because I’ve really tried to forget that decade. Other than Bret Easton Ellis, Salem’s Lot (novel, not the miniseries), The Last Temptation of Christ, and The Cure, the 80’s really should be expunged simply for color and hair overload. You’d probably agree with me if it weren’t for the fact that most of your 80’s memories are mostly cocaine fueled fever dreams and flashbacks of that awful white Don Johnson suit that you thought was so cool and that the girls all liked but the fact was that they were coked up as well. At least Devil House survived, primarily because it didn’t exist back in the real 80’s…and we’re better off for it.
Sam (Jocelin Donahue, getting points for wearing hair shaped like a weather vane) is your typical college sophomore, in need of money and a new place to live. She doesn’t like her roommate Heather (Heather Robb) because she’s a slut, and a busy slut to boot, as the sock on the door indicating she’s fucking a new guy seems to be permanently affixed to the doorknob. So much so that if this movie took place in a dorm Heather would be more featured, or at least be killed early in the movie mid-coitus, but as it stands you figure she’ll just die of an STD later in life. Painfully.
There’s good news and bad news on the home-search front. Sam’s found a house that she can plausibly afford because The Landlady (yes, that is her character’s name, played by Dee Wallace in her requisite cameo proving that Wallace will show up for an opening of a Jamba Juice) has taken a shine to her. Landlady will waive the deposit if Sam can come up with the first month’s rent by the beginning of the next week.
Good News: Sam can move out of the dorm because she’s afraid that her room has become a Petri dish for about 45 different strains of herpes.
Bad News: Sam doesn’t actually have the money. Yet. It would be so rad if she could get the money in time to Elliot’s mom.
Sam finds an ad for a babysitter by a “pay phone”. She calls and sets up an appointment and is to be at the house at 8pm that night. It’s an offer she’d be dumb to refuse if this movie were called anything but House of the Devil.
Oh yeah, it’s also mentioned repeatedly that there’s an eclipse happening at midnight and the town Sam lives in is the best place to view it. At least it’s not a New Moon - otherwise there’d be gay-ass sparkly vampires or emo bitches that whine way too much.
Because Sam doesn’t have a car, she has her rich best friend Megan (Greta Gerwig) drive her because the house is in a pretty remote part of town. Megan is such a good friend that she’s probably not long for this world.
Sam and Megan make it to the house and are greeted by the gangly, creepy Mr. Ulman (Too Tall Tom Noonan, the killer in Manhunter). This is the part in the movie where everyone in the audience is screaming for our heroine to bolt immediately, but Sam stays because we’re only 20 minutes in.
Mr. Ulman confesses something right off the bat. Sam’s not going to be babysitting a child but “Mother” as he and Mrs. Ulman (Eating Raoul’s Mary Woronov) have someplace to go for the eclipse. Sam is immediately put off, but Mr. Ulman and his newly raised fee of $400 are very convincing. Sam does the math and realizes that that kind of money could get her the first month’s rent and then some. This causes the audience to ask, on what fucking planet does $400 do that?
Sam takes the job and asks Megan to pick her up at midnight (yeah right, wouldn’t hold your breath there Sam). But Megan is leery, partially because Mr. Ulman is just friggin’ creepy and partially because Mr. Ulman lied to her. She warns Sam “This is beyond weird, it’s MENTAL.” I have no clue what the hell that means, but it’s probably not good. Megan takes off, and Sam waves bye to her possibly for the last time…
Mother Ulman is harmless, Sam’s been told.
Sam probably won’t even see Mother Ulman.
Mother Ulman is private.
No reason for Megan to be so worried, Sam reasons, especially if what they say about mother is true. It’ll be the quickest, least deathicidal money she’s ever made.
Armed with a book bag, a “Walkman” that looks big enough to stop shotgun shells, and some “cassette tapes” (kids, you may have to Google what those things are), Sam enters into the Ulman house ready for the easiest 4 hours of her life.
But we know that’s not going to happen since the movie’s called The House of the Devil and not the House where the Babysitter Spent the Benign and rather Event Free Night of the Eclipse. To assume that would just be mental.
What works with House of the Devil:
1.) The one sheet may be the best movie poster of the year. You can just imagine it on one of those huge clamshell cases, not just on VHS, but on Beta as well. Sorry if I just lost 98% of the readers with the word ‘Beta’.
2.) For future reference, one should never park in a graveyard just to smoke, especially if there’s an eclipse coming. And if someone asks you if you’re the babysitter, just say yes, for safety’s sake.
3.) That damn phone cord is so long and unwieldy. If someone would only invent a “cordless” phone then maybe some of the events that take place during the movie might not have occurred. But that’s way into the future, like the year 2000 when we’ll have time traveling cars and maybe even a minority will be president.
4.) A fun but completely pointless dance sequence to the 80’s hit “One Thing Leads to Another”. I was amazed at the strength of Sam’s legs and lower body considering her Walkman looks like it weighs as much as a baby elephant. Hope she doesn’t do the White Person Dance. Too late.
5.) Mother doesn’t look well, not well at all.
What doesn’t work:
1.) Except for a few well-placed moments of violence, the movie’s first hour is relatively fright free. You’ll still have a good time watching, but you’ll also notice that not a lot is going on. 80’s nostalgia, even perfectly captured, can get one so far before audiences want the story to get moving.
2.) A confounding climax that disorients the viewer, and not in a good way. You’ll be able to tell what’s going, but it won’t be because the movie’s making it easy for you. It’s one of those endings when you ask the person next to you what happened simply to get confirmation that what you thought happened really happened. Don’t worry, it’s not your fault, and yes, you did see that ending coming half an hour ago.
While The House of the Devil may be a better movie going experience than an actual movie, it still delivers enough chills and laughs to place it on your must see list. It also establishes Ti West as a filmmaker to pay attention to in the future, and not just because his name sounds like an airline. Visit this House and have yourself a good time. Just remember you leave your teased hair, Jelly Bracelets and Members Only Jackets in the decade where they belong.
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