The Hellraiser Project: Hellraiser VI: Hellseeker (2002)
Hello to everyone and welcome to Part 6 of The Hellraiser Project (read all about it here), in which our good Dr. Royce Clemens reviews all eight of the Hellraiser films. To read where it all started, read Part 1 and Part 2. Our evil collaborators the Geeks of Doom have Part 3 and Part 4 and we last left off with Royce covering Part 5.
Geeks of Doom have now posted Royce’s next review up of Hellraiser VI: Hellseeker:
I’ve heard from people that have had appendicitis, that when you press down on your stomach, it relieves the pain a little bit, but when you take your hand away, it hurts even worse. Like the inflamed organ is making up for lost time.
So it should have come as no surprise that after taking some time off for Thanksgiving and some other family related stuff, I come back to The Hellraiser Project just in time for Hellraiser: Hellseeker, which is the worst of the franchise. It’s a jumble of flashbacks, dream sequences, and hallucinations with a “surprise ending” as the cherry on top. It’s like Donnie Darko, except Patchouli-smelling theatre chicks won’t sleep with you if you say you liked it.
This is the tipping point. I knew this would be bad, but if I knew it would be THIS bad, I wouldn’t have signed up for it. This is my Dresden, except I’m an Internet movie-hack and I’m not Kurt Vonnegut. This will haunt me at odd hours for the rest of my natural life, as a reminder that things could get so much worse. Nobody said it was easy, the song says, but nobody said that it would be this hard. I know I have only two left in this project, but I want out, and am willing to consider alternatives. Such as…
-Self-dentistry.
-Wearing a suit made entirely of ham and running through Fallujah.
-Cleaning septic tanks.
-Buying Yankees season tickets.
-Being the meat in a Malkin-Coulter sandwich.
[READ MORE AT GEEKS OF DOOOOOOM!]
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