The Brood (1979)
Review by Noel
Last Friday the 13th weekend you watched (if you dared, or were tired of seeing Watchmen for the 5th time) the limp, white-washed (comparatively speaking) Last House on the Left with your mouth agape, dismayed yet not really all that surprised that yet another remake fell way off the mark (why didn’t they just make it PG-13 while they were at it?). In fact, you’d probably be even more surprised if it turned out to be a halfway decent piece of entertainment like that My Bloody Valentine from January.
You probably left the theater thinking, other than “I wish I could get my money back and save it for Drag Me to Hell instead of this crap I was subjected to”, about the other lowbrow classics and semi-classics from yester-decade whose memories haven’t yet been bastardized by a remake.
Actually, you were probably just thinking that first thing.
Which brings me to my proposition to remake 1979′s sick little joke, David Cronenberg’s The Brood. Why? Because it’s a movie so good yet still holds up after 30 years, that it’s bound to be remixed and vomited by some yahoo producer looking to “reboot” it or whatever the new buzzword is. Now, I’ve personally heard of no news that it’s actually being remade…so I suppose that’s good news in itself (Editor’s Note: Spyglass Entertainment acquired the rights to remake The Brood in 2007 with Cory Goodman tapped to write the screenplay).
If you haven’t seen The Brood yet, please do. You owe it to yourself. Don’t take my word for it, ask a horror fan who’s seen it and watch (or hear) the superlatives fly. Go ahead, I’ll wait…
Nola (Samantha Eggar) and Frank Carveth (Art Hindle) have been estranged for quite awhile, though they share a sullen daughter named Candy (Cindy Hinds). Why are they separated?
…Because Frank is a decent hardworking guy just trying to be a good single father.
…Because Nola is getting professional help because she’s a nutbar who really shouldn’t be a mother.
Dr. Hal Raglan (Oliver Reed) is an eminent crackpot psychologist who specializes in the “Psychoplasmics” method. It’s a method that Dr. Raglan invented and has made him a very rich man. I’m not exactly sure what the regiment is, but from what I’ve seen it does entail you the patient calling Dr. Raglan “Daddy” a lot while Dr. Raglan berates you for every bad thing you’ve ever done. I’m sure it’s effective for some people, loony people, to be precise.
Nola is in Dr. Raglan’s care and in this phase of her treatment she’s in deep isolation, so in the beginning of the movie Frank is picking up Candy to stay with him. Frank notices scratches and welts on Candy’s back. Candy doesn’t remember where they came from…or maybe she doesn’t want to remember. Frank suspects Nola because, as it’s been previously established, that bitch is crazy.
Nola just wants her happy family back, and with Dr. Raglan’s help she’ll get it. And if Dr. Raglan can’t help, there are other methods…
Frank just wants to raise his daughter as normally as possible, and that means getting Candy away from her mother. Permanently.
Nola has objections. Strong objections. And apparently one of the unforeseen side effects of the Psychoplasmics method is the ability to manifest abnormal things (as a result of “the body fighting itself”- whatever that means), depending on the focus, will, rage and downright fucked-upedness of the patient. Kids, Nola is plenty fucked-up and more than a little incensed.
Nola has dreams when she gets pissed off. Those dreams have sometimes fatal consequences. All she wants is to be a good mother. Even if that means killing everyone that stands in her way. Even if that means killing her own daughter.
…Because as written before, even in isolation, Nola has other methods.
What works with The Brood:
1.) Samantha Eggar as Nola – after this movie, I can’t remember anything else I’ve seen her in. It really doesn’t matter because I’ll never forget this performance. Ever. It’s got huge 70′s overacting (she’s practically Charlie’s 4th Angel as all she needs are the roller skates) to go along with her huge 70′s ivory teeth. It’s a couple of degrees shy from Faye Dunaway and coat hangars…or wire hangars (“Fucked-up MUMMIES!!!”). In terms of screentime, it’s not a very large role, but you spend the scenes away from Nola thinking about her because she’s so friggin’ unhinged.
2.) The Dude with the Combover’s throat – I first saw The Brood way back in the 80′s and the Combover guy’s throat is the only thing I remember from the previous time. Seeing his throat again made my stomach rumble in disgust all over again. Writing about it now…I think I’m going to be sick.
3.) The Brood - Thanks to DVD special features most horror fans now know the nooks and crannies of how movie monsters get made larger than lethal life because of CG and all the tricks that makeup artists use to get that one fleshy shot. Maybe that makes one jaded, maybe not. It’s amazing to see that what now must look like quaint makeup effects still unsettle the viewer even after three decades (“real harelip…strange beetlike gums…no sexual organs”). The Brood themselves are still the most frightening Oompa-Loompas ever to be put onscreen, in part because you rarely get a full shot of them. You half expect The Brood to bust out into song…right before they beat you to death. You’ll never look at a little red or yellow raincoat the same way again. But please refrain from attacking any small looking creature wearing one of these, because they may turn out to be actual children. Or…go ahead and do it, because you never really know.
4.) Nola’s stomach- You remember Combover’s throat? This one’s sicker (“I…disgust you”). Yeah Nola, you really do…
5.) The Brood initiates a first-class beatdown of a teacher in a second grade classroom. With the entire class watching and eventually screaming. Who knew that classrooms contain such deadly weapons? What sucks is, even after the teacher gets taken care of, the kids will still probably have to do homework. So fucking unfair.
So kids, if you ever feel you’re not being treated correctly, watch The Brood and learn to exact some prepubescent justice, Brood-style. I’m not advocating teacher-cide…I’m just saying.
What doesn’t work:
1.) Awful “drunk” acting by Henry Beckman as Nola’s biological father that didn’t bother.
2.) That shag carpeting must be a bitch to clean all the blood and guts out of. This really isn’t a criticism of the movie, just of the 70′s.
Apparently, writer/director David Cronenberg (Eastern Promises, Existenz, The Fly) was going through a divorce as he was making this and that Nola is based partially on his ex-wife. If going through personal turmoil gets him to make movies this great, more power to him. I mean that in the nicest possible way. If you’ve seen it, see it again and remember what it’s like to be truly unnerved. If you haven’t, see The Brood before you waste $10 on another shitty remake, BEFORE it gets remade into something like The Brood Races to Witch Mountain.
I thank you, and more importantly, the children thank you…before they go back to their attic.
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