Tales from the Carnal Morgue Volume One (2007)
Review by Theron Neel
I don’t know if you’re aware of it, but there’s a horror revolution going on. As it was 20 years ago with pornography, the video camera is radically changing the playing field in the world of horror movies today. Go to your neighborhood Best Buy and look at the horror DVD shelf. I bet you’ll see plenty of low-budget, Do It Yourself digital video horror flicks right beside those by Wes Craven and Eli Roth.
The question is: Are these DIY horror flicks any good? Well, of course, it depends on the film. I’ve seen good ones and bad ones. It all boils down to the filmmaker, his script, and his actors—just as it does with any mainstream horror director.
Made by filmmaker David Quitmeyer, Tales from the Carnal Morgue (Volume One) is a collection of three short digital video horror flicks. Is Tales From the Carnal Morgue any good? Well, that’s a good question. As with any anthology, it depends on the particular short film you’re watching.
The first feature, “Mail Order Bride,” is a familiar story. A lonely computer geek orders an extremely functional sex doll, with disastrous results. Now, this is not your usual sex doll. Amazingly lifelike, this doll can perform your favorite sex acts after watching your favorite porn film. There’s one warning, though. Do not, under any circumstances, allow the doll to watch any violent movies while programming is in process…or else. “Mail Order Bride” is the worst of the Carnal Morgue’s three tales. The script and production values aren’t bad, but all the performers except one in this short are talent-challenged. The exception is Caroline Pierce, the actress that plays the sex doll. She’s actually believable as an animatronic sex doll, which says a lot for her acting abilities right there. Plus, she’s a pretty hot dancer (I’ll leave it at that…intrigued?). Thankfully, Pierce stars in the last short in this collection.
The second feature, “Mr. Buttons,” (read our other review) is the story of a girl and her doll—not a sex doll, but a cursed doll. This doll grants any wish the girl asks of it…again, with disastrous results. This film opens with a goth-y witch placing a curse on a doll and shipping it off to an ex-lover. The man gives the doll to his daughter as a gift. And things go downhill from there. This flick is better than the first, but not as good as the next.
The third and final tale from the carnal morgue is “Sustenance.” This is a pretty creepy story. A woman (Caroline Pierce) wakes up one day and gets on the scale. Unhappy with what she sees, she goes to a doctor and agrees to have an experimental weight-loss surgery. The doctor tells her she’ll lose about 20 or 30 pounds, but he doesn’t really tell her how. She’s so excited at the prospect, she doesn’t ask. (Word to the wise: Always get complete details about any surgery.) She has the surgery…once again, with disastrous results (hmmm, I’m seeing a pattern here). This film has the best script of the three tales and even better performances. Pierce is great in this performance—funny, scary, tormented, and always believable.
Director David Quitmeyer has a good eye, and he gets his stories onto the screen effectively, some moreso than others. Maybe it’s just me, but short films never quite do it for me, although it helps that these flicks contain some good gore effects and nudity. Those are always good things in any horror film.
The real find here is Caroline Pierce. Like Quitmeyer, Pierce is an immigrant from the adult film world. Horror is a popular way for porn directors and performers to cross over into mainstream fare these days. Both of them do a good job here.
Overall, Tales From the Carnal Morgue (Volume One) is not a bad entry into the DIY league. It definitely gets better as it goes along. It suffers from all the usual DIY problems: low-grade production values and spotty performances. These are the pitfalls you deal with when you’re working with limited funds. I’d like to see other movies by Quitmeyer and Pierce, though. They seem to work well together. How long until Volume Two, I wonder.
Popularity: 9% [?]
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