Horrors of War (2007)
Two of our reviewers BOTH tackled what seemed to be a promising film…Nazi zombies, werewolves…what could go wrong? Well, lots of things apparently…take a gander at the following two reviews!
Review by the Fiend of Grue
Horrors of War is set during World War II and begins with showing us a platoon of American soldiers that sees a cloud of smoke off in the distance. Upon investigating it, a person stumbles out towards them that looks like some sort of strange monster. It turns out to be a zombie who proceeds to try and attack them. Over and over they shoot the zombie and it finally dies when one of the soldiers shoots it in the head.
Once back at their base, Lt. Schmidt is the only one who speaks up and tells about the incident. Of course they think he’s crazy and make no more of the situation. After that, the platoon spends roughly the next hour of the movie hunting German soldiers and nothing really happens whatsoever. Finally, the colonel of the platoon, Colonel Parks, tells Lt. Schmidt that Hitler is being pressured and has in turn unleashed his special weapon and he wants the men to go and find out what it is. He orders Lt. Schmidt and his men to go with Lt. Russo and his platoon. Lt. Russo is a tough guy character who at first, always has a terrible scowl/look of pain on his face that so laughable.
To save your time and to try and recoup some of my wasted time from watching this movie, I’ll cut to the chase. One of the men in the platoon is a werewolf and Hitler’s “secret weapon” is zombies. What it comes down is Hitler is producing the zombies for combat and the platoon runs into them. You can guess what happens next…they do battle and let me tell you, it’s some of the most funny shit you’ll ever see. A werewolf – who’s makeup is a direct rip off of Teen Wolf, yes I said the Michael J. Fox starring 80’s comedy Teen Wolf – is in broad daylight mind you, fighting a lone zombie who looks more like a demon than a zombie. I literally couldn’t stop laughing at this scene even though it was meant to be completely serious. It was just so ridiculous and bad that I was in shock and couldn’t help but laugh.
This movie was just flat out bad, there’s no other way to describe it. It was a war movie with a small splash of horror added in, but was painfully boring to where I was falling asleep on several occasions. If you’re having a case of insomnia, this movie could help you out in getting some rest. I’m not a fan of war movies to begin with, but it’s even worse when it’s VERY slow and NOTHING is going on. It’s like the makers of the film just had an idea for a beginning and a end to this movie and used the other 60-70 minutes as filler time.
The acting was fairly good throughout the film, surprisingly, and the look of the film wasn’t too bad either, it sort of had a grainy, vintage look to it, but those are the only things that I can say positive about it. I know this review is really short compared to most others that I do, but really there is just nothing else to say. I would recommend staying far away from this steaming pile, it is an utter waste of time, unless of course you are curious about the hilarity of the “fight” scene or like I said before, if you need to get to sleep. I would put this film right alongside some of the worst horror films that I have ever been subjected to. It easily falls in line with Day Of The Dead 2: Contagium and Zombie Nation and Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation as being one of the worst ever films made. Horrors of War should have a disclaimer on the cover that says “Hard time sleeping?…WATCH THIS!” Now THAT would be appropriate.
Review by Noel
“War: It’s FANtastic!!!”- Hot Shots Part Deux
Real war however, is not fantastic. I’m not a big fan of it…and I’m sure neither are you.
I do love war movies though, as well as horror…and the new release Horrors of War (see how it has the words ‘horror’ and ‘war’ in the title?) tries to combine the two…and fails at both.
The idea had so much promise…
It’s World War II (the higher grossing sequel to World War I), and the Allied Forces are kicking Hitler’s ass…
But Adolf has something up his swastika’d sleeve…
Nazi Zombies. Or NaZombies. Or ZombNazis.
Meanwhile, the Allied Forces intercepts a communiqué regarding a secret weapons lab…and sends forces over to go behind enemy lines to destroy it. But little do these soldiers know that the lab is manufacturing…
Nazi Zombies…never a good combination. I mean, one of those 2 is bad enough…but combined?!
See what a fun premise this was? What a better movie it could/should have been?
Directors John Whitney and Peter Ross assembled an All-Star cast to play the soldiers. We’ve got Jon Osbeck, who was in that movie you might have seen with that title. Also, Joe Lorenzo who gave a stirring performance in that movie about that thing. And rounding it out, Daniel Alan Kelly straight from his work in that very popular training video. With a cast like this…how did it go so wrong? And apparently a movie this bad needs 2 directors…
What works in Horrors of War:
1) The sublime ridiculousness of the battle between the Nazi Zombie and the…werewolf. Don’t ask me how the hell a werewolf plays into this. However, the fight is the really the only part of the movie that resembles anything fun.
2) A battle in a graveyard is kind of realistic. Kind of. Actually it looks like the kind of gunfights young boys have in their backyards…without the squibs.
3) The zombies look kind of cool…in a ‘I just saw a mask like this last week during Halloween’ kind of way…
4) You’ve got some red on you- The opening credits…and the producers could only afford one color…
What doesn’t work-
1) Most of the movie, I’d say about 80%-85% of it…is soldiers standing around talking. How boring is that? You crave for a zombie attack…and wait for too long a stretch to get it.
2) Farmer Bill’s Backyard- You don’t have to pay attention all that closely to realize that “France” and “Germany” are the exact same field. Which looks like any park in…California.
3) Ze fakest German accents ever- “Dey Vanted me to make dem a vormula.”
4) This line is actually said TWICE during the movie- “It’s on a need to know basis…and you don’t need to know.” Well, at least the rolling of your eyes will be something different than the yawning that you’ll be doing…
5) Remember the opening sequence in Saving Private Ryan? Well, Horrors of War has one like it…except at about a quintillionth of the budget (the beach at Normandy is like…four grains of sand) and none of the acting ability
6) Hitler does not make a cameo. Apparently, he wouldn’t have anything to do with something this bad.
7) There are 2 women in this movie…and they both get raped and one of them gets killed. How’s that for gender balance? Granted, this is a wannabe war movie, but the scenes in the house could have been cut with no affect to the story.
You know, I could go on…but I don’t want to.
If you want a good story involving Nazis and Horror, read F. Paul Wilson’s great horror novel from the 80’s The Keep, or watch the halfway decent film version of it with Ian McKellen and directed by Michael Mann.
I give Horrors of War a ‘D’, for Don’t Rent…and Don’t Waste Your Time…
Popularity: 8% [?]
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