Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)
Review by Dr. Royce Clemens
My review of the spankin’ ass new DVD set of Hellraiser garnered some surprised and angry messages and comments. How DARE I call Clive Barker a “hack” and insinuate that anything he touched with his hallowed and dainty hands was sub-par garbage! I should be ASHAMED! People such as I should NEVER be allowed to write for a site that deals in horror movies! What’s this “standards” bullshit?
But a common tenor of some of these emotional dispatches was that mine eyes would see the glory of the coming of the Pinhead once I saw Hellbound: Hellraiser II. I think angry geeks are funny as all-get-out, so much like a Great Dane, I looked for a new spot to piss on.
And to those defenders of the Hellraiser films, I owe an apology. Hellbound: Hellraiser II is actually kinda sorta decent. While it doesn’t change my mind about the first one, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’d be averse to seeing the third one. The dialogue is basic as opposed to howlingly bad (villain puns aside), and the Bataan Death March of Idiocy and Pretense that the first one was has been followed up by a horror movie that actually wants to be, y’know, scary ‘n’ shit.
We open on an English military man in a large hall, tinkering with the S & M Rubix Cube that sends you to the far reaches of existence. What and where this big hall is, and why this English military man has a French Legionnaire’s outfit on is never explained. What IS explained in this opening scene is how Pinheads are made.
Then we go back to Kirsty, (a natural and good performance by Ashley Laurence) just hours after her ordeal with her WILDLY dysfunctional family in the first one. Naturally she’s sent to a psychiatric hospital because if YOU said you saw creatures dealing in pain from across the cosmos and the spiritual realm, you’re either batshit insane or you’ve founded Scientology.
But her observing doctor at the hospital, Dr. Channard (Kenneth Cranham) wants to get in on the Cenobite fun. He’s well-researched in the area and, in ways too convoluted to mention here, she resurrects Kirsty’s stepmom (Clare Higgins). On a personal note, they gave her a much more flattering hairstyle in this one and she looks considerably LESS like my second grade teacher, Mrs. Fielder.
So they get a crazy girl named Tiffany (Imogen Boorman) to complete the puzzle box and everyone in the hospital gets transported into Cenobite Hell. And unlike the first movie, which looked like a slaughterhouse crossed with a Bonnie Tyler video, this one looks like it was designed by the Goth younger cousin of the guy who did all those album covers for Molly Hatchet. I particularly liked the long and expansive walkways and the amusement mark in the shadow of all those oil derricks.
Which brings us to Pinhead himself. Doug Bradley either found a way for the makeup guys to cut down on his time in the chair or he was grateful to be given something more to chew on, because he actually makes the best of what he does here. He plays Pinhead with such a demeanor that it seems being a Cenobite might actually be a fulfilling job. Not the arterial bloodspray equivalent of stamping form after form like the inspector from Ikiru that it seemed to be in the first one. And they actually gave Pinhead (Gasp!) A CHARACTER ARC!
I didn’t see that coming.
Some may think that I like this movie more than the first one because it has a bigger budget and a deeper acting pool. This assumption is horseshit. I like it more because it is clearer and has more ambition than its predecessor. Part of me would like to think that, being that they had the blueprint practice swing of what could be done with something like this, they finally went ahead and branched out. But the dark and insidious part of me, the part that is scurrilous and antagonistic, would like to think that it’s because Clive Barker neither wrote nor directed this movie. I’ve come down on him hard before, but at least he had sense enough to step aside and let a grown-up with his head out of his ass take over.
Now comes the big question of whether or not I would recommend this movie. If it were a re-release that were put into a few art houses in major cities? No. How about going to Blockbuster and buying it? No. Renting it? No. Once we descend into the bowels of Hades, anything resembling structure breaks down. Now I’m not saying that EVERY MOVIE should be note perfect plotwise, but structure helps, because without it, even a ninety-three minute movie like this one seems to last an eternity. And while some of the images are nifty, some aren’t and I kept checking the timer to see when the hell this movie would be over.
But seeing it on my computer as part of my Netflix subscription? Most definitely, and admission prices and stinky video store clerks be damned. There are some movies that are ideal at eleven o’clock at night with an unopened bag of Tostitos and nothing to do. This is one of them.
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