Fatally-Yours.com’s Best and Worst Horror Films of 2007
Well, kids, say goodbye to 2007 and hello to 2008!
It’s been an amazing year for us here at Fatally-Yours.com, one that has seen us grow exponentially from our humble beginnings, and we would all like to thank you all for reading our film, comic and book reviews, product spotlights, interviews and news!
It’s also been a big year for horror, even with naysayers decreeing horror “dead” due to some low box office numbers for the likes of Hostel II, Captivity, Grindhouse and more. Horror is not dead, on the contrary, it is thriving if you know the right places to look!
We’ve assembled a list of our staff’s top picks for this year, both in the best and worst categories for horror films. Take the time to discover some unknown gems you might have missed this past year and to avoid some sure-fire duds. Celebrate the New Year by looking back on this year’s best and worst horror films!
While you are at it, check out last year’s Best and Worst List!
(Links lead to reviews for the respective films and will open in a new window.)
Fatally Yours’ Best of 2007
1.) Grindhouse – For me, there is no splitting up of Planet Terror and Death Proof; they are a package that deserves to be seen together, which makes it quite a pity that they were released separately by the Weinstein Company when they finally made it to DVD. Despite that disappointment, Grindhouse was the most fun I had in a theater in 2007, an experience that most people grieviously missed out on.
2.) Bug – Completely terrifying in its own unique way, this movie caught me entirely by surprise and left me speechless after viewing. Director William Friedkin creates a claustrophobic, intense and scary atmosphere, all in a one bedroom hotel room with two characters. Ashley Judd is back in my good graces.
3.) The Mist – The ensuing behavior of humans trapped in a grocery after a strange mist filled with monsters besieges the town is one of the scariest aspects of this startling monster movie. With convincing monsters, both supernatural and human, director Frank Darabont again proves he is the master of the Stephen King adaptation.
4.) Stupid Teenagers Must Die! – Enough cannot be said of this ultra low-budget, ultra fun homage to 80’s horror movies! With memorable characters, a great cast and a laugh-a-minute storyline, this was my favorite indie horror film of 2007!!
5.) 28 Weeks Later – Non-stop action pushed this film above and beyond its predecessor, 28 Days Later. A sequel that is better than the original is hard to come by, but 28 Weeks Later managed to do just that.
6.) Zodiac – One of the best films of the year, horror or otherwise. Director David Fincher returns to form after 2002’s disappointing Panic Room with a film that’s both scary and smart…and Robert Downey Jr. never looked so good!
7.) Sympathy – This is an absolute marvel of independent, edge-of-your-seat entertainment! This is another low-budget film that boasts twists and turns, excellent acting, complex characters and plenty of bloody action.
8.) Alone With Her – Colin Hanks amazes as an obsessed stalker. The audience itself is also a voyeur as we view all the action through Hanks’ characters hidden cameras. Extremely disturbing and realistic!
9.) Fido – An absolute delight filled with 1950’s zombie charm!
10.) The Orphanage – An atmospheric, thrilling and tragic ghost story that arrived in theaters at the tail end of December. At first I wasn’t too impressed, but the film managed to get under my skin so much that it deserves a place on the list.
Fatally Yours’ Worst of 2007
1.) Hills Have Eyes 2 – Hands down, the worst of the worst. Annoying, stupid characters and a nonsensical and unentertaining plot had me rolling my eyes every 2 seconds and just itching for the stop button.
2.) Dead Silence – The film started off ok and with a great premise, but too many horror movie clichés and stupid character choices ruined it. By the end I was begging it to be over.
3.) Resident Evil: Extinction – So bad that I don’t even remember seeing it. I take it as a blessing.
4.) Creepshow 3 – An utterly pointless cash-in on the series that featured HORRIBLE stories…RIP OFF!
5.) Vacancy – Pretty damn vacant, if you ask me. Kate Beckinsale and Luke Wilson’s lack of chemistry was only one of the problems this boring and over-hyped film had.
6.) Hannibal Rising – The only thing I can recommend from this movie is hottie Gaspard Ulliel and the beautiful scenery. The rest was absolute rubbish.
7.) Somebody Help Me – This urban thriller was riddled with clichés from the start…couple that with stupid decisions made by characters and you’ve got another eye-roller.
8.) Disturbia – Hey, look at me! I’m a rip-off of Rear Window for clueless teeny-boppers!! This movie annoyed the hell out of me and was so pedestrian and dull it made me want to rip my own eyes out.
9.) 1408 – I had high hopes for this Stephen King adaptation, but unlike The Mist, it failed to entertain and, more importantly, it robbed any of the wonder and scares from the story.
10.) Murder Party – How this ended up “critically acclaimed” is beyond me. A gimmicky movie that becomes exactly what it is trying to parody – egotistical artistes that really have no clue. Boring, uninspired and bland.
Jeffery Timbrell’s Best of 2007
10.) MUOI: THE LEGEND OF THE PORTRAIT – A classy and effective Korean horror flick that relies on storytelling and great performances instead of cheap scares. Is a ‘self-aware’ horror movie, but uses the concept as a way to build suspense instead of as an excuse to write snarky characters. Easily the strongest of the Korean horror movies this year.
9.) ALONE - Winner of the Toronto After Dark Film Festival audience award for Best Picture ALONE is the latest movie from the duo that brought us Shutter. Another departure from the classic Asian horror story, Alone focuses on the concept of an evil twin, a deadly secret and revenge from beyond the grave, and creates an atmospheric horror movie in the vein of the Innocents. Not a perfect movie, but a departure from the norm, very ambitious and very entertaining.
8.) MOTHER OF TEARS – The devise and outlandish finale to the Three Mothers trilogy is a completely new direction for the maestro of horror Dario Argento. The Mother of Tears discards expectations and embraces a trashy, sometimes hilarious, balls to the wall opera of violence. Directed with the trademark style of Argento, including long uninterrupted camera-work, grandiose violent set pieces, splashes of colour and a scintillating soundtrack, Argento closes the book on his conspiracy of alchemy and black magic with gore galore and cinematic chutzpah.
7.) THE MIST – The long-awaited live action adaptation of Stephen King’s epic horror novella didn’t live up to my high expectations (as a huge fan of the story), but it was still one of the strongest and most effective horror films of the year. Fantastic performances, a very tight script, some good old fashioned monster mayhem and an old school, jaw-dropping Twilight Zone-style finale will either make-you or break-you on this, the ultimate tale of survival horror.
6.) DEATHNOTE – Debuting in North America at the FantAsia Film Festival, Deathnote, directed by Shusuke Kaneko (Gamera 3), deals with a duel of the minds between a brilliant criminal with supernatural powers and an unorthodox and highly intelligent detective. This movie is a clever and original game of cat and mouse unlike anything seen in suspense films for ages, marrying together Hitchcockian suspense and Sherlock Holmes deductive reasoning with a deconstruction of the dark superhero fantasy of modern comics.
5.) GRINDHOUSE – A tremendous double-bill experiment in cinematic trash, Grindhouse embraces the ‘classics’ of the video nasty world giving nods to movies like VANISHING POINT, Umberto Lenzi’s NIGHTMARE CITY, Lucio Fulci, Dario Argento and old school John Carpenter flicks. A tremendous cast, including an excellent performance from Kurt Russell, some fantastic dialogue and a hilarious collection of fake trailers made Grindhouse one of the most entertaining cinematic horror experiences of the year and in recent memory.
4.) THE HOST - South Korea’s all time box office leader, winner of over 14 awards worldwide, nominated for even more, The Host by director Bong Joon-ho (Memories of Murder) is one of the best monster movies of all time. A realistic portrayal of the usual cliche elements of the Asian monster movie, The Host is an ironic comedy/horror where the greatest threat to human life is not the massive, fish-creature who sucks your bones out, but the idiocy and bureaucracy of governments and authority figures attempting to justify their importance.
3.) SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET - Easily one of Tim Burton’s best movies to date, if not his very best movie ever. Sweeney Todd’s fiendish black-hearted musical of madness, cannibalism, murder and tragedy is a perfect fit with Burton’s own outlandish and lavish direction and Johnny Depp’s eccentric acting. A dark and wonderful collaboration of elements takes one of the most difficult musicals in history and adapts it to the big screen with a sense of daring style and grace.
2.) 13 BELOVED – Adapted from the comic story 13 Quiz Show, the award-winning 13 Beloved is suspense horror/black comedy and fiendish cultural satire at its best. A down-on-his luck salesman recently dumped by his girlfriend and fired from his job is given the opportunity to turn his entire life around by simply completing 13 tasks for the amusement of an underground reality show. A game of cruelty that starts with killing a fly builds to a fever pitch of revenge, frustration and murder. 13 Beloved is a deranged and clever cross between films like Battle Royale and Falling Down, equally outrageous and at the same time expressing a criticism of low-brow Reality TV and the commercialization of human suffering.
1.) 28 WEEKS LATER – Just as critical of authority figures as The Host, as condemning and satirical as 13 Beloved, as gory as any movie made this year and scarier than any movie I’ve seen this year, 28 WEEKS LATER is the best horror sequel since ALIENS and the best horror movie of 2007 hands down. Directed by the vastly talented Juan Carlos Fresnadillo and the winner of the Best Horror Movie at the Scream Awards (as voted by horror fans). Who am I to disagree with the horror community? 28 Weeks Later is my pick for Best Horror film of 2007.
Jeffery Timbrell’s Worst of 2007
10.) THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2 – With a title like The Hills Have Eyes I keep going to these movies expecting a scintillating documentary about Enormous Boobies, and I keep getting these stupid flicks about redneck mutant, inbred, rapists in Nevada! Dammit, that’s the worst case of false advertising I’ve ever seen!
9.) VACANCY – The heroes in this movie make the victims of Jason Vorhees look like candidates for MENSA. “Well that guy at the creepy gas station of doom looked at our engine and ten minutes later we’re stranded in the middle of nowhere by a freaky-looking Hotel, where the owner (who looks like he eats human flesh) listens to video tapes of people screaming while being murdered. NAH, this can’t be a set-up.”
8.) PREMONITION – I’m having a premonition! I’m never going to see a Sandra Bullock movie EVER again.
7.) BLOODRAYNE 2 – Uwe Boll decides to outdo the original catastrophic onscreen disaster BLOODRAYNE, by setting the sequel in the Wild West, featuring the true origins of BILLY THE KID….as an Eastern European vampire played by Zack Ward! And only one person can save the world from Billy The Kid’s undead shenanigans!! The Damphir, vampire-hunting hot undead bloodsucker Raine?! HELL NO!. Them Cowboys gotta get their secret decoder rings out and summon Ralphie from A Christmas Story! Sadly that’s not in the movie. Seriously folks, not even Billy Zane could save this flick. Awww…who am I kidding? Of course he could!
6.) THE REAPING – What Hath God Wrought?! I’ll tell you what. Another horrible movie in a very long, long, loooooooong list of incredibly bad movies based on religion. Hilary Swank must save a group of Southerners from a clan of Satanists who have created the ultimate Satanic Little Girl (or have they?!). This involves Hilary wading through a river of blood, having awkward sex scenes and enduring the ‘it was all just a dream’ cliché while her priest has visions and spontaneously combusts. I’m pretty sure this movie’s script was constructed using Mad-Libs.
5.) DEAD SILENCE – I must admit that dummies terrify me more than anything else on the planet. Just not wooden ventriloquist dummies. Those are kind of creepy, but after 20 minutes of the doll’s eyes slowly turning to stare at the camera, it stops being creepy and starts being a drinking game. PS: When your “big twist” ending was better executed as a throw-away joke in the movie KILLER KLOWNZ FROM OUTER SPACE, you just might be in deep shit.
4.) BLOOD AND CHOCOLATE – For people who’ve read the novel, Blood and Chocolate is like a Bizarro version of the original story, taking almost every single element that made the novel stand-out and against the grain and flipping those elements into a cliche to pander to the lowest common denominator. On the bright side, the dialogue (and the delivery) is so freaking hilarious in some parts that it makes Blood and Chocolate the funniest movie of the year. Superbad be damned.
3.) THE FORBIDDEN SIREN – Jeepers gang, we’re stuck on an island with immortals who eat mermaids, ghostly little children, attack bugs and the single most ineffective zombie horde in history… or ARE WE? Maybe it’s all just a dream or maybe it’s a delusion of a mass murderer or maybe it’s a delusion of the people who were being murdered by the killer constructed to convince us it’s a dream of the mass murder? Or maybe the writers are on crack?!
2.) CAPTIVITY – Waiter, waiter, there’s a tempest in my teapot! For a movie that was compared by angry soccer moms to the HOLOCAUST itself, you’d think Captivity would be at least a little offensive? Or horrifying? Or gut-wrenching? I would have settled for mildly distracting. I mean really folks? Wrong Turn 2 and The Mother of Tears made Captivity look like Hanna Montana.
1.) DRAGON WARS – Otherwise known as D-WARS, because you know how people just stumble over that verbal obstacle course: “DRAGON”. It’s such a tongue twister, it’s right up there with Australopithecus. Speaking of the Australopithecus, that particular breed of extinct hominid is right around the target IQ-demographic for this movie, which pretty much explains why it bombed at the box office.
Dr. Royce Clemens’ Best of 2007
10.) BUG Directed by William Friedkin
This ambitious two-person drama not only signifies William Friedkin’s veritable rebirth as a decent director, but goes in-depth into how cultish behavior thrives on the all-too-human need for love and trust. Jonestown and the Branch Davidian never looked sadder once you found the wants and desires of the people who got there.
9.) I AM LEGEND Directed by Francis Lawrence
Oh boy, did this movie shit its pants in the last hour. Nevertheless, I AM LEGEND is a stunning and disturbing film in its early stages, helped greatly by a career-best performance by Will Smith, who shoulders this expensive production like Atlas. It’s a fuckin’ sight, let me tell ya…
8.) SATAN’S WHIP Directed by Jason Maran
Were there ever a term to define SATAN’S WHIP, it’s “slap-ass crazy.” It’s either a serious horror film that went SPECTACULARLY wrong, or a horror comedy with the best poker face in the world that went spectacularly RIGHT. Either way, I had a better time with this one than I did most of the crap I’ve seen in theaters this year.
7.) 1408 Directed by Mikael Hofstrom
1408 is the best thing that can happen with a PG-13 rated horror film. In a year where every horror filmmaker and their mom got their torture on, this little Stephen King chiller took us into the tortured psyche of a poor schmuck who lost his daughter. And the kicker? PEOPLE WENT TO SEE IT!
6.) ROMAN Directed by Angela Bettis
I’ve had various bones to pick with Lucky McKee, but he fits the bill as a loner psycho who kills the woman of his dreams. Written by McKee himself and directed by his perennial leading lady Angela Bettis, it resembles nothing less than the heir-apparent to BLOOD SIMPLE.
5.) RAPID EYE MOVEMENT Directed by Alec Tuckman
The best DTV horror film of the year is Alec Tuckman’s energetic and impressive RAPID EYE MOVEMENT. This story of an author who REALLY wants to write a bestseller is not content to sit in one place for very long, keeping its momentum at a fever pitch from the very first frame. If anyone needs a budget and a three picture deal, Tuckman’s the guy.
4.) SEVERANCE Directed by Christopher Smith
Far from the “OFFICE meets SAW” label that everyone is hellbent on plastering on it, SEVERANCE is a monument to the versatility of horror. Everything from the soul-crushing cubicle job to growing unrest from Western interference is looked at in this picture. Everything goes right with this picture and shows us the best thing about a horror film: You can hook ANY concept up to it and make a biting satire.
3.) 28 WEEKS LATER Directed by Juan Carlos Fresnadillo
The rare sequel that is not only better than the original, but kicks the original’s dusty ass. Danny Boyle’s ground-up reinvention of the zombie movie gets the ball passed to Juan Carlos Fresnadillo and he keeps the action at breakneck speeds while widening to scope to considerable levels. And yes, they ARE zombies, so shut your hole before you even start.
2.) 30 DAYS OF NIGHT Directed by David Slade
Speaking of reinventions, HARD CANDY director David Slade anwwered the silent call of long-suffering horror fans and overhauled the vampire movie with an intriguing premise, outstanding technical achievements and wonderful performances. 30 DAYS OF NIGHT is claustrophobic, impactful and a bonafide instant horror classic.
1.) SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET Directed by Tim Burton
This career-best from Tim Burton is the most daring horror film of the year because of its wall-to-wall singing. Inversely, it’s the most daring musical of the year, because of the copious amount of giallo-esque arterial spray. And it’s fucking awesome at both. Folks, I watch horror movies for a living, with one right after another, and here’s one that emphasizes things we haven’t seen in a while from the horror genre, like atmosphere and… Um… FUCKING STORYTELLING! Seriously, can you blame me?
Dr. Royce Clemens’ Worst of 2007
NOTE FROM ROYCE: As a challenge to myself, and as a by-product of my now crippling Xanax addiction, I will now list my picks for the year’s worst in horror by saying something NICE about them. Namaste…
10.) RESIDENT EVIL: EXTINCTION Directed by Russell Mulcahy
The status quo remains intact by not having a video-game movie that anyone could recommend with a straight face. Congratulations, right-wing America, you can continue your bitching about how games are making us dumber until someone has the nerve to adapt BIOSHOCK.
9.) SAW IV Directed by Darren Lynn Bousman
It answers all the questions and grievous logistical impossibilities from the last three movies. Granted, it raised a bunch of new ones, but…
8.) DEAD SILENCE Directed by James Wan
It was bad enough and grossed low enough to destroy James Wan’s and Leigh Whannell’s careers outside of the SAW franchise. If that isn’t awesome, I don’t know what is.
7.) BLOOD AND CHOCOLATE Directed by Katja von Garnier
Fat thirteen-year-old girls with Zac Efron posters and horse fetishes now have a horror movie to call their own. YAAAAAYYYYY!
6.) SKINWALKERS Directed by Jim Isaac
This flop serves as a wonderful stepping stone leading to the eventual downfall of Courtney Solomon and After Dark, between CAPTIVITY grossing chump-change and the Miss Horrorfest deal being rigged. That and “Grannies Packing Heat” is a punchline for any joke now.
5.) BEHIND THE MASK: THE RISE OF LESLIE VERNON Directed by Scott Glosserman
Well guys, your horror-comedy wasn’t scary OR funny but at least you tried hard… Wait, no you didn’t… Well at least you have the backing of horror fans who want to look cool by championing a high-concept debacle that was only released in four theaters. Just in case you need a quick five bucks.
4.) DELIVERY Directed by Jose Cassella
Everyone who reviewed your movie for a site liked it… Except me. But I’m sure THE PEOPLE will be in your corner! Why I bet DELIVERY’s score on IMDB is… 4.4… Ouch, that’s just a tenth of a point below I KNOW WHO KILLED ME. Well, I guess your mom liked it well enough.
3.) THE BLOOD SHED Directed by Alan Rowe Kelly
Well, it’s sixty-eight minutes long and… Yeah, it’s sixty-eight minutes long.
2.) HOSTEL PART II Directed by Eli Roth
It’s darkly lit and nothing happens. So if you REALLY need that nap…
1.) HOME MADE Directed by Jason Impey
Um… Uhhh… Oh fuck it. This is the worst movie I’ve ever seen. I saw this turd for free and I STILL want my money back.
Fiend of Grue’s Best of 2007
10.) Halloween: Remaking a movie of this caliber is bound to get a director into hot water, but honestly I expected this to be great and instead it was only very average and in many instances, a let down. The reason I even place this movie at number 10 is because of the first half of the film. If Rob Zombie had kept this movie as a prequel and not a prequel/remake, it would have been a better movie.
9.) Hatchet: The savior of horror movies? Not likely, but still a fun a ride of a movie with some of the best kill scenes in a horror movie in a long time. Kane Hodder just plays a killer well and his role as Victor Crowley is no exception. Not as good as the hype lets on, but still one of the most fun horror films this year.
8.) The Host: Straight out of South Korea, of all places, comes this great modern day monster movie. Better scripted, acted, and much better effects than I expected, all makes this movie one of my favorites this year.
7.) 28 Weeks Later: This movie is one of the rare examples where a sequel surpasses the original in almost every regard. Was 28 Days Later too boring for you? The producers heard you loud and clear and really amped up the action in this one and not only that, just the story in general plays out better. The parallels to the real world in this movie are very scary to think about.
6.) Hostel 2: This is a movie that falls into the much maligned sub-genre of “torture porn” and after the box office returns of this movie, is probably the swan song of the genre. Sadly, a lot of people didn’t give this movie a chance after hating the first film so much and it’s a shame because Eli Roth has really grown as a director. I probably like the first Hostel a little more than this one, but still Eli made a movie that really works because he seemed to focus on the story more this time around and made a better flowing film overall.
5.) Behind the Mask: The Rise Of Leslie Vernon: I was completely blown away by this movie. THIS is the horror spoof movie to see because instead of poking fun at the genre it pays homage to it. A very interesting take on the slasher movie, Behind the Mask is both funny and scary as you watch Leslie Vernon become a murderer like his heroes’ Jason and Freddy. Nathan Baesel as a likable lunatic does a superb job in this movie and I’m really hoping that a sequel is made sometime.
4.) August Underground’s Penance: The third and final entry into the sickest and most disturbing series of films to ever be released. Penance is ToeTag’s crowning achievement in this series and a fitting note to end the madness on. In this movie you go from a scene of lovable flirting between the last two remaining killers, to one of the most brutally realistic and graphic scenes that you will ever witness where a disemboweled victims guts ooze grue and gurgle in a up-close and personal shot that just won’t end. It’s the visceral and grossly surreal moments like this that make these movies so effective. These films aren’t for everyone, but if your morbid curiosity gets the best of you and you want to see the most realistic depiction of murder ever committed to film, then look no further than the August Underground series.
3.) The Mist: This is another one of those movies that came out of no where and surprised the hell out of me. Probably the best monster movie since The Thing and arguably one of the best Stephen King adapted films. The small compliant surrounding the buzz of this movie is the sometimes shoddy CGI, which is valid, but don’t let that stop you from seeing it because the strength of the rest of the movie will make the shoddy CGI forgivable.
2.) The Redsin Tower: An incredibly great movie from ToeTag Pictures, the now infamous creators of the August Underground series. The Redsin Tower is their first stab at a scripted movie and they succeed on all levels. Great atmosphere, great acting and effects that rival anything that KNB is doing all make this the sleeper hit of the year. Part slasher, part supernatural horror, this is a movie all horror fans should check out if you crave something original and fresh.
1.) Planet Terror: First off, I love zombie movies, I mean LOVE them. Second off, I love the Grindhouse era of cinema and this movie was the perfect marriage of both. Robert Rodriguez really made a masterpiece with this movie that is full of action, laughs and enough gore to satisfy the crimson lovers out there. This movie has great atmosphere and is purposely cheesy and outlandish at all the right times. I’m still in awe of this movie even being released in today’s market and the entire Grindhouse experience was the single best time that I have ever had in a theater. You just don’t get experiences like that anymore and I applaud Rodriguez and Tarantino for pulling it off. LONG LIVE THE GRINDHOUSE!
The Fiend of Grue’s Worst of 2007
10.) Death Proof: Although I don’t think this movie was bad, it could have used a lot less gabbing and some more…something, and it could have been a real winner. I enjoyed the beginning and end the best and the car chase sequences were badass, but some of the dialogue scenes could have been cut in half for a much more effective movie. The only reason I even put this on the worst list is because I had a hard time filling the list, believe it or not.
9.) Ed Gein: The Butcher of Plainfield: Kane Hodder as Ed Gein? Yeah…it’s a crazy as it sounds…a monster of man playing a small, unassuming runt. Kane does do good job in the acting department and it’s nice to see him get a role without a mask, but the story is so inaccurate that it makes the whole thing hard to watch.
8.) 30 Days of Night: Yeah I know I’m in the minority here, but this movie BY FAR didn’t live up to the hype. Basically it’s a movie that plays EXACTLY like a zombie movie that you’ve already seen a thousand times: problem occurs, people hole themselves up, some amongst them become part of the problem, and only a few survive in the end. It’s got some decent effects, but the ending was the downfall of the movie and left me unfulfilled.
7.) Flight Of The Living Dead: This movie is exactly what the title suggests and nothing more. A mindless, brainless and witless mess that takes too long to get going. It has its moments where it’s fairly good, but too many times you’ll be rolling your eyes or zoning out, thinking of better zombie movies.
6.) Dead Silence: This movie was a real let down also. I was really excited to see what James Wan and Leigh Wannell would do with a ghost story, but sadly they didn’t pull through. Dead Silence is a rehashed, retread of tired ideas that have already been done a million times before. The movie starts out good but quickly goes down hill and crashes by movies end.
5.) Halloween: Yeah, this movie makes both my best and worst list because while I liked it at times, I also hated it even more so. Rob Zombie SHOULD have made a better movie than this, but in the end he listened to the studios and let them tamper with his product too much leaving us with this virtual mess of a movie. You don’t make Michael human and then have him get shot multiple times and keep going. You don’t make fun of the original and say it’s illogical that Michael could drive a car without any prior knowledge and then make your movie even more illogical by having Michael sit in a cell and make masks for years and then suddenly become a Superman who can bust doors off their hinges and smash through walls. Sorry Rob…I’ll stick with the original no matter what your pompous ass says.
4.) Amateur Porn Star Killer: A poor attempt at making a shot-by-the-killer movie about a guy that picks up a girl, talks her into sex, then murders her. Boring, boring and boring is the way I would describe this movie. Nothing happens and it goes nowhere fast. The August Underground series is what you want to watch if you want to see a very realistic depiction of murder in a shot-by-the-killer type way. Avoid this garbage.
3.) The Hills Have Eyes 2: A pointless, worthless cash-in to the previous years remake. This movie has some of the dumbest characters that you are likely to ever see and a stupid plot that goes nowhere fast. This might be good to watch while getting wasted with some buddies because it will give you something to make fun of.
2.) The Messengers: There’s a reason why I usually avoid these teeny bopper looking, PG-13 type movies…THEY SUCK and this movie is no exception. Predictable as hell, lame and terrible CGI pretty much sum up this movie. Come to think of it, there are no redeeming qualities to this movie whatsoever. LAME!
1.) The Horrors of War: I have seen some bad movies in my time, but this is up there with the worst of the worst. Zombies against werewolves, you would think, could not be fucked up, but watch this to find out just how bad it can be fucked up. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING happens in this snooze fest, but boring ass dialogue that will put even the most patient people to sleep. There is only like, one zombie in this movie and the werewolf looks almost identical to Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf! The fight between the zombie and the werewolf is some of the worst/best shit you will ever see, but the movie is not worth wasting anything on, including most of all your time, just to see it. I wish I could remove this movie from my memory, it’s that bad.
Theron Neel’s Best and Worst of 2007
Instead of presenting a list of my choices for the ten best and worst horror flicks of 2007, I’m going to try something different. I’m going to give you two films: one best and one worst. And through this, we’ll see what’s what in horror films today…hell, we’ll see what’s what in all films today.
Best: The Cellar Door
Worst: Captivity
Here we have two movies with basically the same story. They are both about women that are kidnapped and locked away by mentally unbalanced men. But one of these movies is really bad, and one of these movies is really good. It’s interesting to me that two movies with similar stories can turn out so different artistically.
The Cellar Door has a tight script, great performances, and sure direction. Captivity has a clumsy script, serviceable performances, and uninspired direction. Neither film had a large budget, but, as a true independent production, The Cellar Door managed to succeed creatively with much less money behind it. Captivity floundered with both a bigger budget and a major distributor footing the bill for a now infamous publicity campaign. The Cellar Door is still waiting for wide release, so you will have a chance to catch it, but you’ll probably have to look for it.
So, what’s what? From our two films, we can see that it all comes down to vision. It’s not about budget or advertising or stars, or any of the other stuff that the industry essentially concerns itself with. The studios need to realize they have to give artists the freedom necessary to create and not worry about foreign distribution, test screenings, and whether it’ll play in Omaha. I’m not naïve; I know business is important, but if the vision isn’t there to begin with, then there’s nothing of worth to sell (see: Captivity).
Obviously, I think the industry needs to reevaluate its priorities, something the current writers’ strike just might accomplish…nah, what am I thinking? And, oh yeah, the films I’ve mentioned here just might actually be the best and worst horror films of the year. That’s for you to decide. But take it from me—see The Cellar Door as soon as you get the chance. It’s not right that movies this good often aren’t seen, but unless they have big studios and splashy ad campaigns behind them, that’s the way it is. And that’s the state of the industry today.
Siko Mike’s Best of 2007
1.) The Mist: This movie had incredible special FX, interesting characters and a wonderful atmosphere with its creepy visuals.
2.) The Murder Game: A great film that is a tribute to the cheesy slasher films of the 80s decade, awesome suspense and a clever twisted ending, just enough blood to satisfy without going overboard, great performances from mostly all unknown actors, and a very creepy setting within a storage warehouse.
3.) Bad Reputation: A great homage to the rape/revenge subgenre with a very realistic characters, amazing acting, and actually resembles how rough high school can be especially for a girl who has no one to trust but herself which leads her down a road of seductive misery towards her tormentors.
4.) 1408: An excellent psychological/ horror film with the best performances that I have seen in a PG-13 horror movie, along with great scares and a very surprising ending.
5.) Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon: A clever mockumentary that just plain entertained with fun and madness and a revealing look at the transformation of a funny guy into a cold blooded psychotic killer. It gives respect towards Jason, Michael, and Freddy plus makes it look like they were real people in our world.
6.) Hostel Part 2: It was several times better than the original because it got more in-depth with Elite Hunting and showed us what goes down in this business of power, money, sex, and torture.
7.) Halloween: Ok, now I’m really going to get yelled at for this one. Some people loved Rob’s take on Michael Myers and some hated it so it’s all pretty much equal. There was a lot of stuff that I loved about this film and some stuff that bothered me, but I had more likes than dislikes. I liked the back story behind Rob’s Michael, but felt that the re-imaging portion was rushed. Hopefully the director’s cut version is a lot better, but since I liked more about this film then it ended up on this list even though it’s between good and bad. Still, I was entertained and enjoyed it very much.
8.) Wrong Turn 2: This film surprised the hell out of me and I really enjoyed it! The kills are fucking amazing and it does not become too clichéd like most horror films can be at times. Henry Rollins made this film for me and that is another reason why this film worked!
9.) Return to House on Haunted Hill: I happened to enjoy this just like I did the 1999 remake. It had the same creepy ass mental asylum, creepy spirits, great kills, and had some characters that you could like and those that you look forward to seeing being ripped in pieces by the ghosts.
10.) Bug: This film has got to be the craziest fucking film that I have seen this year. Michael Shannon is very believable as the schizophrenic Peter who truly believes that the Government has harvested bugs inside of his body. His behavior is the scariest that I’ve ever seen as he cuts open himself in order to get the bugs out including a tooth pulling that is truly shocking. This film is more of a psychological thriller, but can be considered as a horror movie since how the characters behave is really terrifying!!!
Siko Mike’s Worst of 2007
1.) The Hitcher: This film was bullshit compared to the original 1980s horror film! Just by getting people from the CW is not going to help the film. The only good is Sean Bean’s performance, but even he couldn’t save this trash from blowing up in the police van!!
2.) Saw IV: Damn, another one? Why? They should have just left it alone after the first film even though I did like the second installment. In 2050, “I want to play a game.” Dun dun daahhh…Saw fucking 33!!! Big surprise!! Leave it alone Hollywood! Go back to making Scream knock offs, hell at least those were fun to watch!
3.) Wind Chill: The story moved at a very slow pace and a lot of it just plain did not make any sense to me. Bottom line, I was bored and that is definitely not a good sign.
4.) Captivity: Too predictable, a lot of over acting, and boring!
5.) The Final Curtain: Crappy acting, potentially good story with a nonsense kind of ending, too slow and just boring.
6.) Experiment in Torture: No character development, hardly any gore, boring, and very confusing.
7.) Dead Silence: Bad acting, squandered setting, stupid kills, stupid yet confusing ending. I did however think the main doll was fucking scary considering I have a ventriloquist dummy phobia ever since seeing Slappy of Goosebumps fame when I was 7 years old.
8.) The Hills Have Eyes 2: Horrible story, bad acting, bad characters, hated the ending, and not enough mutants!
9.) Resident Evil: Extinction: Nothing at ALL like the video game. THERE WAS NO DESERT!! Another cliff hanger ending, degraded characters and new lame characters. Hell, even Clair Redfield was lame in this when in the game she kicked ass! How about they forget Alice, bring Jill Valentine back along with Chris Redfield and Leon so they can kick some zombie/monster ass!!
10.) April Fools: Basically a hood version of I Know What You Did Last Summer with bad acting, horrible story and bad music.
Gabrielle Faust’s Best of 2007
The Mist – This movie is going to win an Oscar! Horror at its absolute finest!
30 Days of Night – The most original vampire movie I’ve seen in years! Excellent blend of action, fangs and gore!
The Host – Absolutely terrifying monster movie that kept me holding my breath till the very end!
Rise: Blood Hunter – Not necessarily award-winning, but an unique and refreshing take on vampires with a sexy performance by Lucy Liu
28 Weeks Later – Like the original, this movie kept me curled into the fetal position and peering through my fingers!
The Tripper – Disturbingly hysterical parody of modern horror movies; excellent debut for a new director
Disturbia – Brilliant remake of a psychologically terrifying classic; excellent performances and superb scripting
1408 - One of the most intense visually and psychologically ghost films I’ve seen in years…sure to be a classic!
Rob Zombie’s Halloween – Brilliant new interpretation of a horror classic!
Grindhouse – How could I forget this?
Sweeney Todd – It absolutely ROCKED!
Gabrielle Faust’s Worst of 2007
The Raven – Terrible amateur camera work; horribly written script and mindless rambling visual metaphors.
The Reaping – Ugh!
Captivity – If you’ve seen one torture porn movie you’ve seen them all. Senseless and boring.
The Hills Have Eyes 2 – Yet another predictable slasher film. The first was boring and the sequel lulled me just the same.
The Thirst – Rambling nonsensical chaos of scripting coupled with achingly terrible performances. The sad red-headed stepchild of Andy Warhol’s Dracula.
Saw IV – Over the top gore and violence becomes pathetic after 4 movies. Let it die already!
Hostel 2 – What I said for Saw IV applies here as well. Enough’s enough. We can officially say we’ve seen the insides of a human being. Now tell us again why we should be scare?
Naina – Bollywood still cannot seem to grasp the essentials of a horror movie; Naina is a montage of other people’s work coupled with a deluge of Hindi melodrama and odd humor…BAD!!
THR3E – Listless, pathetic acting, horrible dialogue and a killer that should keep his day job as a weatherman announcer…
The Wolf’s Best of 2007
10.) BEHIND THE MASK: THE RISE OF LESLIE VERNON
While not as witty as it claimed to be, BEHIND THE MASK was still a pretty entertaining flick detailing how one could become an iconic serial killer like Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, and Freddy Kruger. With a great and charming performance by Nathan Baesel and pretty neat cameos by Kane Hodder and Robert Englund, BEHIND THE MASK is clever when it doesn’t try too hard. The ending bugged me a little but it makes sense in context to the story. I’m sure we’ll be seeing a sequel down the line.
9.) WRONG TURN 2
How this straight-to-DVD film didn’t get distributed to theaters is beyond me. This is a very good horror sequel – better than it had any right to be. Great gore, watchable stereotypical characters supported by good performances (Henry Rollins rules all), and mutant rednecks – what more do you want from a horror film? And the reality show premise used in the film actually worked well! I really enjoyed this film. Either you loved or hated the original WRONG TURN, you will like this film.
8.) ROB ZOMBIE’S HALLOWEEN
A remake of a film I didn’t want to be remade to begin, Rob Zombie took the mythology of Michael Myers and pushed it on its ass. Great performances (Sheri Moon Zombie can act? Who knew?), nice kills, and an excellent prologue segment in the first half of the film, Rob Zombie treated John Carpenter’s classic with a lot of class and respect. I still feel the last half/remake portion of the film was a bit rushed with lack of characterization, but I still enjoyed it anyway. Not a scary film but a very intense portrait of a child in a messed up world growing up messing with the world.
7.) I AM LEGEND
I’ve never read the book but I enjoyed this Will Smith vehicle. Smith carries the film wonderfully as a disturbed man all alone on earth, until he encounters zombie/vampire hybrids. The first two acts of the film are great and really interesting but the last act with the horrible CGI ruins the film for me. But other than that, it’s definitely a must-see film. Will Smith deserves some kind of acting nomination for this one.
6.) 1408
Stephen King’s first adaptation of the year knocked it out the park as John Cusack goes mentally insane inside a hotel room. A PG-13 horror film shouldn’t have worked, but it does here, as it’s a mind trip from beginning to end. A psychological portrait of a man dealing with his past demons that’s represented by the room 1408, this film will chill you to the bone. And it made a lot of cash too, which was well-deserved.
5.) THE MIST
The second Stephen King adaptation of the year was even better than the first. What I thought would turn out to be a remake of THE FOG revealed itself as a smart, creepy thriller that has become the best monster film in a very long time. The acting was excellent and while the CGI wasn’t all that great, it doesn’t even matter. And who can forget that ending? ::shivers::
4.) 28 WEEKS LATER
A sequel that was actually better than the first, 28 WEEKS LATER came out of nowhere and took the horror world by storm in late Spring. It took the story of 28 DAYS LATER and intensified it, giving us better acting, more action, and a kick ass story that grabs you from start to finish. One of the best modern zombie films ever made. It’s nod in comparison to the real world is something I’m still struggling with.
3.) SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET
Tim Burton and Johnny Depp – those two names together right away put this film in a Best Of… list. Dark, superbly acted, and great musical numbers show that there are some people in Hollywood who still have balls to make something that’s out of the ordinary that could still attract the mainstream audience. With a ton of mood, atmosphere, and an actual story that makes sense enough to bite into, SWEENEY TODD is a horror film that should not be missed by any generation – past, present, or future.
2.) GRINDHOUSE
Probably the best three hours of film in 2007, Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino came together to bring us a nod to the old grindhouse era of film with PLANET TERROR and DEATH PROOF. PLANET TERROR by Rodriguez was the better of the two, with its nod to zombie films. Great gore, great SFX, excellent acting, and a hot Rose McGowan rockin’ a machine gun leg, this film was a thrill to watch. And while Tarantino’s DEATH PROOF was too talky for its own good, Kurt Russell and the rest of the cast knocked it out anyway. Add in 4 faux trailers that I hope are turned into actual films and you got yourself a cult classic.
1.) BUG
William Friedkin came back to form in this psychological thriller starring Ashley Judd in her best performance ever and a disturbing Michael Shannon as two hopeless people stuck together in a rundown hotel room becoming paranoid of bugs that the government forced upon them. Truly weird and creepy as hell, I haven’t been disturbed by a modern film like this one in a very long time. This is a film that needs to be watched and appreciated for how brave and daring it is. If the want and need for love, trust, and faith are this strong in some people, then I sure want no part of it. One of the best films of 2007 PERIOD.
The Wolf’s Worst of 2007
5.) RESIDENT EVIL: EXTINCTION
The supposed final installment of the RESIDENT EVIL trilogy, EXTINCTION pretty much went out with a whimper rather than a bang. Horrible CGI, terrible acting, awful action sequences, and more flashback sequences that one would need in any film, EXTINCTION should be avoided unless you love bad filmmaking. The video games the film is based on (loosely I must add) are more realistic than Milla Jonovich’s face. Where’s Leon when you need him?
4.) SAW IV
Another year, another SAW. Too bad this one sucks. Beating a dead horse of a franchise that should have ended 3 years ago, SAW IV tries to tie up loose ends from the past 3 films by giving us more questions than answers. Dated death traps, nonsensical sub-plots, and a twist ending that’s not a twist at all show how low this horror franchise has sunk.
3.) THE HITCHER
In a year of horror remakes, this film was one of the worst. Yeah, Sophia Bush holding a weapon is a pretty hot image. But not even she (or a pretty good performance by Sean Bean) could save this film from being piled under donkey dung. Keep CW stars away from horror films and let the real horror actors do their craft. Who knew I’d appreciate the 1980s version of this film more after watching this crap?
2.) THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2
Probably the most disappointing horror film of the year, THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2 took a potential franchise from possible greatness and destroyed it within a year. Unlikable characters, ho-hum gore, and a story that made no sense what so ever, THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2 deserves to be buried within those hills for the rest of eternity. Damn this film for making me like the original HILLS HAVE EYES PART 2 more. And that film sucks too!
1.) PREMONITION
Sandra Bullock in a horror/supernatural film is a sign of the Apocalypse. Or it could be the worst horror film of the year. A glorified Lifetime TV movie of the week with a supernatural element glued onto it, this film made less and less sense as the running time increased. Wasted performances, especially by Julian McMahon, really pissed me off. And the ending…geez, I’ve seen better endings in my toilet bowl after I ate steak and cheese tacos! Horrible! Horrible! Horrible! Avoid at all costs!
Noel’s Best of 2007
10.) Hostel 2 – Despite falling apart in the 3rd act, right after a wildly far-fetched character twist (“I’m not that Guy”), Hostel Part II is one of the most efficient horror movies of the decade in terms of setup and payoff. Not an ounce of fat, so to speak. Plus, 1.) It has those lovable Bubblegum Kids…so cute I just want to kill one randomly (like in the movie) just to join in the fun, 2.) A rather effective form of birth control…and isn’t that just fun for the entire family? and 3.) The scariest part of the movie – the “bidding” scene with the PDA’s and Cell Phones…because it seems so sickeningly plausible. Both loved and hated with passion, it remains the Valentine’s Date movie of ’08…Rent it with a loved one…
9.) Joshua – This movie will not scare the crap out of you. This movie will not keep you up at night. This movie is the cinematic equivalent of thinking you’ve left your burner on 3/4ths of a way to your destination. It’s wonderfully uncomfortable, with Sam Rockwell and Vera Farmiga nailing their harried parent roles and Jacob Kogan giving the best creepy-kid performance of the year (“I don’t feel sick…not at all”). Parents who’ve seen this have told me that they actually fear this happening with their kids. Me, I just like/love it because it made me squirm.
8.) Planet Terror – Just plain fun. The more grindhouse-y half of Grindhouse was one of the best times sitting in a theater all year. From Josh Brolin’s first great performance in the Year of the Brolin (No Country For Old Men, American Gangster, et al) to Marley Shelton’s “friends,” there’s only one time I’ve had more fun in a theater (it’s on this list). And don’t the opening credits alone (Dance, Rose, dance!!!) make this list-worthy?
7.) 1408 - Yes, PG-13 doesn’t necessarily mean boring or cheesy. John Cusack’s best work since High Fidelity and who doesn’t love Samuel L. Jackson? (‘It’s an evil fucking room”)
6.) Right At Your Door – One of the few films that literally leave you breathless. Like last year’s Hard Candy, you find yourself agonizingly taking both points of view. Should Rory Cochrane let his wife (Catherine McCormack) in the house despite the (very good) chance she might be infected after a terrorist attack? Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.
5.) Mulberry St. – The BEST After Dark Horrorfest film. EVER. That it can compare favorably to 28 Days/Weeks Later is a tribute to how great it is. I almost want you to have the odium of the previous boring countless and unmemorable After Dark Horrorfest films linger as you reluctantly watch is…if only because it’ll surprise…and terrify you all the more.
4.) The Mist- Marcia Gay Harden and the ENDING. If you’ve seen it then you know what I mean. Bonus: I got to learn what the word “expiation” means. The most fun I’ve had in a theater this year. People were actually screaming in fear instead of laughing at Josh Hartnett playing an authority figure.
3.) 28 Weeks Later – From the mouth-drying opening sequence to the kiss before the mayhem to “Abandon Selective Targeting” to the zombie chop-chop to the nightscope walk through the tunnel to the final shot of France…no other horror film has had as many perfect sequences of suspense and gore. I like Weeks more than Days. Why? No happy ending.
I see London
I see France
At the End of 28 Weeks Later
You motherfuckers don’t stand a chance
2.) Bug- Actually works better on the small screen that it did on the big one. This genuinely frightened me…if only because I was never sure where they were going with it, how far the paranoia would reach before it peaked. Ashley Judd’s performance just seems to get better with each viewing.
“I am the Drone”
“I am the Mother Queen”
I am freaked out.
1.) Jack Ketchum’s The Girl Next Door – long after many of the movies on this list (even the good/great ones) have been passed over for newer experiences, this movie will be remembered. It’s not a movie one “enjoys” in any conventional sense. One watches this Girl to be uncompromisingly terrified. Joyce Carroll Oates once wrote that horror is not a genre…it’s an emotion. After watching The Girl Next Door…you know what she means. The funny thing is, as brutal the movie is…it only hints at the abject viciousness of Jack Ketchum’s novel. Best non-graphic gross out moment of ’07: The lighting of a blowtorch…
Noel’s Worst of 2007 (in no particular order)
-The Messengers – If I had a nickel for every horror cliché and yawn I experienced during this movie, I think I might recoup the cost of the ticket…but I will never ever be able to get my time back.
-Blood and Chocolate – It’d be the funniest movie of the year if it didn’t take itself so seriously…which only adds to the preposterousness.
-I Am Legend – About as scary as a VERY SPECIAL EPISODE of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.
-Any After Dark Horrorfest movie NOT named Mulberry St. – For those of you who had to pay “regular” movie prices for these destined for STV clunkers last November…you feel my pain.
-Captivity- pretty much describes what I was in while watching this in the theater…and not in a fun way.
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