Evil Aliens (2006)
Review by Noel Penaflor
I have a man named Troy to thank for this review. He of course will remain nameless because he values his privacy. If it weren’t for Troy…I would be reviewing nothing at all, and that would be just boring.
Quick Back-story: I didn’t know what the hell I was going to review this week because everything possible I thought would be taken. Nameless Troy suggested Evil Aliens.
I nodded, said “Sure, Troy”…but in my head I thought, “Why the fuck would I watch a movie called Evil Aliens?…It just sounds stupid.”
And as we all know, there has never ever been a good movie with the word Alien or Aliens in the title.
But, as I was casing my local video store for DVD’s, I saw the cover…and thought… “God I’m desperate…I guess I’ll just watch this fucking thing.”
And I am glad I did…because now…I can write this review.
The plot as it were, is as follows…
A production crew for a fly-by-night paranormal investigations program (Emily Booth, Nick Smithers, Jodie Shaw…and more actors you’ve probably never heard of – Seriously, I could be making up these names and you wouldn’t know the difference…unless of course you are one of the parents of these fine actors) investigate a local farmerette impregnated by…mysterious means. Little do they know that this simple farm has been invaded by aliens…that are up to no good. In fact, they are No Good Aliens. Hence the title of the movie. To reveal anymore…would be stupid because anybody with an IQ higher than their golf score can figure out what might happens next.
Yes, alien hijinx ensues…but not just normal alien hijinx…but Malicious Alien hijinx. Hence the title…
What works about Evil Aliens:
1.) First off…all hosts of paranormal investigation shows should show this much cleavage…It’s very professional
2.) Writer/director/editor Jake West stages his two attempts at action, one involving farmers and a chainsaw that just won’t work and the other involving Phantasm-like silver balls chasing a van, remarkably well. One doesn’t notice the low-budget shortcuts usually taken…simply because there isn’t enough money. It’s as big a compliment I can give to say that this reminds of the early Peter Jackson of Bad Taste and Meet the Feebles.
3.) 2 Words- Horny Nipples- “Be gentle, it’s my first time.”
4.) GOFG- Good Old Fashioned Gore
5.) Apparently, you just stick the alien baby right up there…
6.) Jodie Shaw, playing a character named Candy Vixen no less, shows she can handle a gun…and keep tapes securely fastened to her chest
7.) 7 words- Banana Peel
8.) Liquid Manure. Fucking Dangerous- Yes, yes it is…
9.) It turns out that aliens, well, the nefarious ones, really do use anal probes…whirly ones at that…Ewwww
10.) As an ensemble, the cast works really well together…making Evil Aliens better acted than most movies of this type.
11.) These lines are actually said- “I think we’re gonna need a bigger boat” and “I’ve got a really bad feeling about this.” Bloody brilliant.
What doesn’t work:
1.) The movie really isn’t that scary…but the laughs more than make up for it
2.) It takes about 15-20 minutes for the movie to get going, but it’s more than worth the wait…I promise.
Overall, I liked this movie the more I think about it, and on a scale of 1 to 43, I give it a ‘J’…for really liked it.
Thank you Troy P____Z
And if you watch Evil Aliens and enjoy it as much as I did and you see Troy walking around, by all means, come up from behind him, grab him, and give him a huge hug to show your gratitude. He’ll be appreciative. I promise.
Available from Amazon
Popularity: 1% [?]
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