April Fool’s Day (2008)
Review by Noel
Some movies are so bad, so turgid, so life-draining, that one just wants them to end, to forget about it like that bad date you “accidentally” had with your cousin. And usually after a movie such as this, we viewers have the luxury of turning off our players, our television sets and never have to think about watching it again…
Unless of course you have to review it…which forces you to replay the movie in your head…no matter how much it hurts.
Because unless you DID have to review this, it’s almost guaranteed that you’d stop right in the mind-numbing middle of the Butcher Brothers’ remake of April Fool’s Day…and do something more productive with your life. Like decoupage.
Oh well, the quicker I do this, the quicker I can stop thinking about this lump of coal in my cinematic stocking. I realize that last statement isn’t season-appropriate, but apparently I’m trying to stall as much…as…possible…
But, here goes…Sigh.
It’s April 1st, 2007.
We meet characters with strange exotic names like Desiree (Megan Fox look-alike Taylor Cole), her brother Blaine (Josh Henderson look-alike Josh Henderson), Barbie (Jennifer Seibel, although she really does look like a Barbie doll, an older one) , Torrance (Halloween’s Scout Taylor-Compton, in another horror remake), Milan (Sabrina Aldridge) and um, Ryan (Joe Egender).
Why are they there? Because it is Torrance’s Coming-Out Ball, and all the hoity-toity hos and hunks of the Carolinas are in attendance.
But little do they know that the Ball is just a front for a prank that turns out deadly. How?
Blaine seduces a newly Rufied Milan, but as they’re about to get it on we see that Desiree is just outside the door, camera in hand, and a videotaped sex scandal of Hiltonesque proportions is a-brewing. Meanwhile, the rest of the cast just happen to commingle outside the door while Desiree is rolling camera.
Unfortunately Milan has a bad reaction to the Rufinols and falls over a balcony and dies. Cause of death: Falling over a balcony and landing head-first into a table and then concrete. Yup, that would do it.
Unless…
Fast Forward to April 1st, 2008…
Desiree, Blaine, Torrance, Ryan, Barbie and some other guy get notes to meet at Milan’s grave. All the notes have “I HAVE PROOF” stamped all over them.
Did Milan really die? If not, then who is sending these mysterious notes?
What follows after they meet is too terrifying for words. You’re just going to have to watch it on your own…if you dare. Just kidding. What follows really isn’t worth your time. Really.
What works about April Fool’s Day (Keep in mind that most of these are just moments in a bad movie that I noticed [with much effort]…because the rest of the movie is so fucking dull):
1.) Scout Taylor-Compton- her career alone remains untarnished from this wreck as she does nice non-embarrassing work as an actress in a horror movie playing…an actress in a horror movie.
2.) “Don’t feel bad Blaine, it happens to a lot of guys”
3.) The term “Village Bicycle”
4.) Joseph McKelheer as Charles, the gay Internet and Gossip columnist guru…with a REALLY phony Southern accent (“Charles just found his dessert for the evening”)
5.) Creepy electrician
6.) Peter Welling (Samuel Child), the Senator wannabe (“If that ends up on the Interweb, you will be raped by a wizard”)
7.) Ryan has an unrequited crush on Milan. Just like an 80’s teen movie. Awesome.
8.) A craft service table that’s more exciting than 95% of the movie
9.) Peter Welling’s Value Wagon- although Peter does run like a bitch
10.) Blaine’s smile at the end
What doesn’t work- Yawn…
1.) Atrocious “Drunk” acting- wouldn’t pass muster on a daytime soap…
2.) The closest thing to a gory kill doesn’t happen until about an hour into the movie. Trust me, I checked
3.) Really bad background music that sounds like a 70’s education filmstrip about the dangers of premarital sex. The only reason I paid attention to it: the rest of the film is sooooo dreary that I had nothing better to do
4.) Feeble Ending(s)- Yeah, it wouldn’t be so bad except for the fact that you can see it from a light-year away (What’s the name of the movie?)
If you thought April Fool’s Day might be a good or even a watch able movie, then the joke would be on YOU…
Yeah, that was bad…but it fits for this movie.
Available from Amazon
Watch the April Fool’s Day Trailer, then go rent the original:
Popularity: 3% [?]
[ ‹‹ Shrooms (2008) Borderland (2007) ›› ]
2006 2007 2008 2009 awesome 80s bad movies Best of bloody book review boring brutal campy creepy disturbing Fatally Yours film festival fun ghosts gore haunted horror comedy Horror Literature humorous independent insanity interview low-budget madness monsters murders News psychological release info revenge sequel serial killer short film slasher supernatural unique vampires violent Women in Horror Worst of Zombies